YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING

I certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.

One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 29, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Deep grieving, Healing GriefComment

Golden Bachelor Marriage Ends Quickly – Why?

Recent headlines about the very brief three-month marriage of Widower Gerry Turner (the first Golden Bachelor) and Theresa Nist coming to an end raise some interesting questions.

The pace of the Golden Bachelor program is frenetic. It expects a Bachelor to identify, court, and then marry a new bride after just a few months of meeting and dating a wide variety of women. This is unrealistic…

Widower Relationships, Widowers and dating, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 15, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Gerry Turner, Is a widower ready to date, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

Sex and the Widower

Sex is a topic that we widowers often have difficulty discussing with each other, much less with friends, family, or even therapists. And yet, it needs to be addressed. Why?…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyApril 1, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Deep grieving, Coping with death of wife, Sex and Widower Comment

WHAT CAN MATT AND BEN TEACH WIDOWERS?

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow….

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower support, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 11, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief, Coping with death of wifeComment

YOU ARE THE BOSS NOW!

Remember when you were young, married, and full of misconceptions about your life and marriage? Previously, in our more male-dominated society, you might have believed that as the husband you were the “boss” in the family!

Ha.. ha! Many of us eventually found what a joke that belief was! …

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, WidowerFred ColbyFebruary 19, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Healing Grief, widowers taking responsibility, Coping with complicated griefComment

OVERCOMING LONELINESS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.

One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyFebruary 5, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower loneliness, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with complicated grief, Deep grievingComment

SINGLE UKRAINIAN WOMEN LOOKING FOR OLDER MEN!

Widowers are easy targets for those who would prey upon our loneliness and desperation for female companionship after losing our wives. These click-bait appeals are often specifically targeted towards older men who are single or widowed…

Widower, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyJanuary 23, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Coping with death of wife, widower loneliness, Widower scamsComment

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 9, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Coping with death of wife, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

NEW YEAR - NEW YOU - NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

Often after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 25, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Coping with death of wife, overcoming widower isolation, widower lonelinessComment

IN HER NAME

When our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyDecember 11, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, widower embracing grief, Widower syndrome, widower loneliness, Coping with death of wifeComment

We Are Worthy!!

Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyNovember 27, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower syndrome, healing griefComment

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 8, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower syndrome, Stages of griefComment

WHY DOES GERRY TURNER CRY SO MUCH?

OK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 24, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorJerry Turner, Golden Bachelor, Stages of grief, Widower memories, Grief therapy, healing griefComment

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi

Since your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….

Widower, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 2, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, When to start dating after death of spouse, widower building new relationshipsComment

ANGRY AND GRATEFUL AT THE SAME TIME?

Just try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?

It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbySeptember 18, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, healing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, BereavementComment

I Don’t Want to Heal!

Are you floating in a sea of grief with only a life vest of memories keeping you afloat? If you are not careful that life vest can become a diving weight belt of anger, regrets, and fear that drags you down into depression…

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, WidowerFred ColbyAugust 21, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Stages of grief, widower embracing grief, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

WHAT DO GERVAIS, BACKMAN, HANKS AND GERRY TURNER HAVE IN COMMON?

There is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyAugust 8, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Behavior of a widower, widower resources, Widower’s syndrome, Deep grieving, healing grief, Golden Bachelor, Gerry TurnerComment

You Can Heal Now!

If you want to heal to survive this hell-on-earth experience, you will have to grow as a person… as a father, brother, son, friend, and/or community member. If you retreat from the world to stew in your grief and anger, that is where you will likely remain…

Widower Grief Experience, Widower blog, Widower, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJune 16, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, overcoming widower isolation, Death of Spouse, Men’s Grief Groups, Grief therapy, healing griefComment

Avoiding Downward Spirals

We often ask, “How can I survive this?” During these times, the siren call of alcohol and drugs may be strong. I was very tempted to drink more, try weed, or take pain pills. I thought this would help ease my pain and let me forget what I was experiencing…

Widower, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyMay 14, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief Comments

I Was Supposed to Die First!

Almost every widower I have met, emailed, or spoken to has at some point said this to me. I certainly felt that way after my wife passed in 2015…This sense of feeling that “I should have died before she did” can lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt, as well as deep regret for not being able to “save” her.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorHealing Grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Survivor's guiltComment

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