Peace and Serenity Six Years Later
As I recently sat on the porch swing looking out over the green fields, pond, and river before me I realized just how different things are for me now, compared to six years ago after losing my wife of 45 years. This idyllic setting at 8,500 ft above sea level amidst the beautiful mountains near Meeker, Colorado has been the setting for over 50 years of memories for me. Many of these included my wife, Theresa, as well as parents, siblings, daughters, grandchildren, and friends.
Six years ago, this vacation spot was where I escaped to by myself just weeks after Theresa’s passing in order to process my grief. I spent days in pain, often screaming as loud as I could. Sobbing, emotional agony, doubts about my sanity, and physical pain were the norm the first few days. Between bouts of numbness and moments of clarity, I spent a good deal of my time reading dozens of articles, blogs, and studies that I had gathered before driving to the cabin.
While my research helped prepare me somewhat for the grief journey that I was just beginning, it was often just a lot of words on paper. My mind and my body felt torn, unable to really comprehend what had just happened. However, with the time to grieve loudly and openly along with the knowledge I gained from the materials I brought, I was able to at least get to a point of acceptance of my new reality as a widower.
Little did I know then, but I was just beginning my five-year passage from grief to normalcy, and then finally to peace and serenity. It took hard work, commitment, vulnerability, and openness to new ideas to heal. There were setbacks, moments of intense pain, and certainly doubts each step of the way.
Now, six years later as I sat on that porch swing I realized just how far I had come. I can now look back with appreciation for the many who helped me along the way, and with gratitude to all of those who have gone before me including my wife, mother, father, grandparents, and friends.
Like all of you who are reading this, I am still here for a reason, and I fully intend to do all I can to realize it. I choose now to look forward, not backwards… and to love, honor, and remember my wife while also fully engaging with life again.
May all of your journeys help you find peace and serenity again as I have.
© Copyright 2021 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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Watch for Fred Colby’s soon to be released 2nd Edition of Widower to Widower.