During our early stages of discombobulated, slightly psychotic, and often delusional widower behavior, we may find ourselves reacting inappropriately in public, private, and even intimate settings. These may cause intense emotional pain, self-condemnation, and further isolation. Others, knowing that you are suffering, may let it go. But you may be punishing yourself by revisiting your self-perceived “cringe-worthy” behaviors over and over again…
Read MoreAs I sit here on the deck of a beautiful cabin set in Colorado’s White National Forest, I cannot help but think back to my visit here ten years ago, almost to the day. That visit was about ten days after my wife had passed after a six-month battle with uterine cancer.
I was not in a good mental or emotional place then,…
Read MoreDon’t feel alone if you are thinking that you will NEVER be happy again… much less able to be successful again in important areas of your life. After losing your wife, life just does not seem to be worth living anymore.
However, immersing yourself in grief after your wife dies is unavoidable….
Read MoreAs we said at every meeting of my online grief group, “It will never be the same again!” Nothing shakes up your world and self-identity like the loss of your wife….
Read MoreAny of the following newbie widower mistakes can create situations that often cannot be undone. They may lead to complicated grief or widower’s syndrome. To undo the harm already done, it may take years of therapy, mending fences, and corrective actions. And these difficulties often lead to growing issues with alcohol and drugs which can only make all other problems worse.
Read MoreI found that each time I told my (and Theresa’s) story I would heal… just a little bit. It helped me to allow others into my grieving without me or them being intrusive. I could be completely honest about what I and my daughters were going through while still allowing myself private time for my grieving. I found it freeing and therapeutic.
Read MoreDon’t become the grumpy old man next door who is always growling at everyone because you think you are always right, and they are always wrong. Like the Tom Hanks character in the movie A Man Called Otto, you no longer have your wife to run interference for you or to smooth things over with those who you offend…
Read MoreOne of the early signs that you might be pulling out of deep grieving and beginning to heal is the first time you laugh at a memory of your wife.
At first you may recoil at the fact that you are laughing at something she did, thinking you are betraying her and should suffer now and forever…
Read More…many of us feel lost and abandoned after our wives pass away. Our sense of purpose is often taken from us and we feel like a rudderless power boat spinning aimlessly on the ocean of life. It is scary, and for many of us, there do not appear to be any answers.
Read MoreShortly after my wife of 45 years passed in 2015, I found myself buried in grief. I knew I was in trouble and could not find the answers by myself. So, I asked, “Where can I go for help?” I knew a little about therapy but had never really taken advantage of it.
For many of us, choosing therapy may lead to having to make a choice: “Do I turn to a church for help? Or, do I turn to secular organizations for help?”
Read MoreHow do you steel yourself against the trauma of upcoming special days and holidays. We each may have very different experiences during these special days.
Read MoreThe surprise celebrity who emerged from the group was Charles, an unlikely romantic figure. Upon first meeting him, he does not strike you as someone who would become the object of affection for so many women viewers!
Read MoreUnfortunately, we cannot stop the world and get off when our wife passes. So, we end up adding this humongous load of grief on top of everything else going on….
Read MoreAsk yourself: “What would your wife want for you? Would she want you to be circling the drain of self-induced pain and grief, or would she want you to be active, reengaged with life, and continuing to find ways to love and be loved?”
Read MoreIt is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.
Read More“My wife, she's still a nice person but she has no patience anymore and it's like we're fighting a constant battle… I'm facing terrible depression. I am a strong person but everybody does have a breaking point.” (T. Kemp)
Read MoreI certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.
One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…
Read MoreRemember when you were young, married, and full of misconceptions about your life and marriage? Previously, in our more male-dominated society, you might have believed that as the husband you were the “boss” in the family!
Ha.. ha! Many of us eventually found what a joke that belief was! …
Read MoreWe widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…
Read MoreOften after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…
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