IS SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS POSSIBLE AGAIN??
Don’t feel alone if you are thinking that you will NEVER be happy again… much less able to be successful again in important areas of your life. After losing your wife, life just does not seem to be worth living anymore.
However, immersing yourself in grief after your wife dies is unavoidable. It is even necessary and healthy to experience this grief. These early stages of your grief journey may go on for months, or even years. But, if you stay buried in grief, isolate yourself in your house, sit around and do nothing, and/or avoid contact with others, you may need to ask if this is:
conducive to your healing?
good for your relationships with children, family, friends?
a productive way to remember and honor your wife?
respectful of the many years you and your wife spent building a good life?
If the tables were turned, and you died first, would you want your wife to mope around in deep grieving for years after your passing? Of course not! So why should you want it for yourself?
How the heck do you pull out of this deep grieving? Many of us would like to feel a sense of success in life again, and to feel happiness again. I have spoken before of “reinventing yourself” as a key part of this process. (see May 26, 2025 blog titled Reinventing Yourself to Survive & Heal)
In the past, success might have been measured by your role as a husband, father, son, business owner, worker, coach, or volunteer. There are so many ways to achieve success… the list is endless. The trick is to find the way that works for you individually. As men, we desperately need this sense of purpose and success. Without our wives around to cheer us on and to validate our success, we may have to find new ways to achieve it.
In the 2018 Harry’s Masculinity Report (a survey of 5,000 men ages 18-95 across the US) found that the strongest predictor of men’s happiness and well-being is their job satisfaction, by a large margin. “Men at work are more likely to be men comfortable with themselves. Everything else—contentment at home, in relationships and friendships—flows down from men being satisfied at work.”
Other top indicators of a positive mindset and wellness for American men are… their physical and mental health, income, age (men over age 50 were significantly happier…), and relationship status. The survey found that 91 percent of married men had normal or better levels of mental positivity. And friendship is a particularly strong predictor of well-being for men.
So what does a widower do now that they are not working, no longer have a wife, and maybe having trouble maintaining their friendships? To top it off, many of us find ourselves facing various physical problems brought on by the stress of losing our wife.
The first step is to re-evaluate what you still have in your life that defines you and can help you to regain that sense of success. This can be your role as a:
Father, grandfather, uncle, or brother
Friend who cares for and helps others
Volunteer at your local nonprofit, church, school, library, or other community organization
Part or full-time employee
Each of these can provide you with a real sense of self-worth while contributing to your community. The return can be invaluable whether it be gratitude for your efforts, building new friendships, or just feeling good about yourself.
A sense of success and happiness is possible again; but it takes hard work and persistence to realize it.
© Copyright 2025 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower - available through most booksellers and libraries.
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