WIDOWERS AS UNICORNS – HOW IT AFFECTS DATING
When you become a widower and begin to enter the dating scene, you may hear the term “unicorn” being bandied about by women you encounter during this period. I heard it often during the first couple of years after my wife passed.
Overall, this is a good thing! Widowers are often regarded as “Unicorns” because in the dating world he is a rarity… and assumed to be a “good catch.” Women often think a widower has a proven track record as a stable and committed husband. They presume he understands what it takes to form a good relationship. Widowers are seen as less likely to be playing the field and trying to take advantage of the women they meet.
Once we reach age 60, widows will outnumber widowers, by anywhere from 4 to 1 to 8 to 1 depending upon your age. So within the dating world, a newly widowed man will find that his stock is higher than he might expect… no matter his age.
To give an example, when I started dating about six months after my wife passed, I was surprised by the number of women who approached me on the dating sites. I dated some 6 different women 8 different times over the first two weeks of dating. Juggling these dates with different women became somewhat overwhelming… not to mention emotionally draining.
My warning to new widowers is to be aware of this phenomenon and to not use this stature to take advantage of the women you meet. During this time of re-entering the dating pool, we must be aware of our own fragile psycho-emotional state which can lead to mis-reading signals from the women you meet. A smile, a touch, and a kind word can easily be misinterpreted as being something much more.
We can feel a desire for physical contact that leads us to make unwanted advances that can be more than a little embarrassing. The dangers of dating too soon after losing your wife are that you and those you date may experience some painful outcomes that could lead to irreparable harm to you and their well-being.
One way to prepare for the challenges that lay ahead of you as you enter the dating world is to hear stories from others who have been through it before you. Men’s grief groups are one great resource during this time, and of course books written by widowers about the experience. (I cover this intensively in my book, Widower to Widower).
Another great resource to help you are movies and television shows that deal with the topic. I recommend the following to widowers, friends and family to better understand the widower experience:
After Life (series) on Netflix starring Ricky Gervais as a deeply grieving widower who deals with depression and suicidal thoughts. This realistic drama comedy is disturbing during the first few episodes as the lead character struggles to find his footing.
A Man Called Ove (movie) available on Amazon Prime with a Swedish cast (subtitles) in this comedic take on the adjustments a widower goes through while learning to live on his own. Also available in a well-written paperback novel by Fredrik Backman, and in an Americanized movie starring Tom Hanks.
Shrinking (series) starring Harrison Ford and Jason Segal revolves around a psychiatrist’s imploding life after the death of his wife. It does a good job of depicting the fairly common manic behavior of a widower during that first year.
Our Souls at Night (movie) starring Robert Redford and Jane Fonda depicts the lives of a widow and widower who are longtime neighbors who “discover” each other after losing their spouses. Very believable characters and story line.
The Kominsky Method (series) on Netflix stars Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin who plays the role of a just widowed former agent for the stars who struggles with his loss. The show touches on real topics with humor and humanity.
The Unicorn, (series) starring Walton Goggins, follows a recently widowed landscaper and his friends as they adjust together to his new status. The first season dealt with some of the challenges of a newly minted widower with seriousness and humor.
As miserable as they might be, the amazing thing is that widowers do still have a sense of humor and can still appreciate a good laugh, often at their own expense. I know that while I was in the early stages of my grief after losing my wife of 45 years, I enjoyed the distraction of a good show that dealt sensitively with the topic. You will not regret recommending any of these shows to a widower, and they will be grateful to find story lines that deal with their issues in such elucidating and humane ways.
Good luck my friends.
© Copyright 2025 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower - available through most booksellers and libraries.
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