LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP?
If you were as well trained as I was, you learned early on in your marriage to always put the toilet seat down! There is nothing that can earn the wrath of your wife more than going to the bathroom in the dark at night and sitting down on a piss-wet cold toilet base… because you left the toilet seat up! And if she was a small-butt gal she could even fall in.
Like me, most of you probably learned quickly that if you ever expected her to forgive you, much less have intimate moments with you again, that you damn well better remember to put the toilet seat down!
However, after she passed you might have that eureka moment when you realize that you no longer have to put the toilet seat down. In fact, there may be several “trained behaviors” that you may now change or leave in the rear-view mirror.
Some examples include:
Making the bed each morning
Washing the dishes after each meal
Picking up your clothes and towels off the floor
Vacuuming regularly
BUT, and this is a big but, you may feel that every time you ignore these trained behaviors that you are betraying your wife. Aren’t these behaviors evidence of the positive impact she had upon your life? Aren’t these behaviors proof of her ability to help you transform from a troglodyte into a respectable human being?
While there may be some truth to these observations, you may be able to find a happy medium where you are not quite so anal about adhering to these rules while retaining the more meaningful of them.
It is important that we keep the foundation of our being that we built during our long marriage with a wonderful woman who helped us to become the best version of ourselves. And ditching all the good behaviors we learned can seem like turning our back on her.
I always recommend that we learn to remember, honor and love her as we move forward in our lives. Holding onto the best of what we learned from our time with her is one way to do this. But do you have to be anal about it? I don’t think so. Be kind to yourself and allow some flexibility in your approach to life going forward.
Do you need to put the toilet seat up every time? Hell no! Do you have to make the bed every morning? Heck no!. Do you need to wash the dishes every time you eat? Are you kidding?
But, if your house is becoming a pig stye, your sink is full of unwashed dishes, your floor is littered with dirty clothes… well then you probably need to take a hard look at both your mental and physical health. Please talk to a qualified grief therapist if you find yourself going down this road very far.
Good luck my friends.
© Copyright 2025 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Fred Colby is the author of:
Widower to Widower - available through most booksellers and libraries.
See Testimonies and Reviews of Widower to Widower