Widower: Surviving Self-Isolation
For all widowers who are struggling with grieving and isolation.
As widowers we often are advised to avoid self-isolation. It can be harmful to our physical and mental health. Fear, anger, doubt, and depression can run rampant. Destructive behaviors such alcoholism and drug use are common. This can lead to alienation from our family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors.
In normal times we are told to get out, try new activities, meet new people, and reach out to those who still love us and are in our life. All of this is critical to eventual healing.
But now we are often advised to isolate-in-place due to COVID–19. So, how the hell are we supposed to heal if we follow this advice??
Just when we are most vulnerable, just when we need human contact the most, and just when everything in our body and mind are screaming at us to hunker down and hide from everyone… then we have this COVID-19 crisis come along and force us to be alone!! And to top if off we are now in the middle of the often emotionally trigger-rich period of our most important traditional holidays.
Even in normal times, many of our friends, family, and acquaintances are unlikely to reach out to us, as they are often afraid that they are imposing on us and our grief… or afraid they will say the wrong thing. So, I am going to tell you something that might seem counter-intuitive:
IT IS UP TO YOU TO REACH OUT TO THEM, NOW MORE THAN EVER!
Because now you may not be able to:
· have dinner with your family,
· go out for a beer with your friends,
· attend church,
· go to your workplace,
· eat out at a restaurant, or
· participate in group hikes, dances, ball games, or other activities.
Here are a few options to help keep you engaged with others:
· find local virtual grief groups to join online (try local hospices, churches, hospitals)
· call (video call if possible) at least one person every few days and have a real conversation,
· text and email friends and family daily,
· communicate with others through Facebook,
· exchange ideas on how you are dealing with the crisis,
· view humorous or inspiring Facebook posts dealing with our situation, such as: Laura Clery
· join online video groups now being offered through Meetup
Also, consider some activities to help you through this time:
· Exercise, exercise, exercise – and eat right
· Meditation – you now have time to try one of many free ones on Youtube
· Reduce Stress – read or listen to people like Eckhart Tolle
· Check out Man Therapy online for a humorous and serious take on male issues
· Change your routine – mix it up
· Keep the television or music on to fill the void
· Find a home project that keeps you occupied and feels good to finish (keep a journal)
· Plan one positive thing for the future, such as a road trip to visit family or old friends, that gives you something amazing to look forward to.
You might also identify some people in your neighborhood who need help, such as picking up groceries or shoveling snow off driveways for them. Take a walk in your area and pick-up trash. Pull some weeds which can be a very therapeutic project. Find some way to give back to your community through non-profits and volunteer agencies in your area. Nothing is more healing than giving back by helping others.
In others words, find new ways to maintain your contact with others and to be active. DO NOT use this pandemic as an excuse to take your isolation to a new level! Reach out to others, don’t wait for them to reach out to you.
P.S. Please take a moment and share your ideas here on how to un-isolate while in isolation!
© Copyright 2020 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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