GO TO THE LIGHT!
When you are in a long dark tunnel, and trying to find your way out… do you continue down deeper into the darkness or do you go towards that pinpoint of light in the other direction?
Often when we are buried in grief we have trouble figuring out which way is good and which way is bad. As we wallow in our sadness, anger, and fear it is easy to wrap ourselves in the grief more and more tightly. The pain can be enticing because we may have survivor’s guilt, feel that we did something wrong or not enough, and/or want to punish ourselves for real or imagined wrongs that we committed.
That is exactly when we need to redirect our thoughts and begin looking for some light, any light in our existence. That light may seem like a pinprick off in the distance when we start, but if we stay focused on it, it will grow in size and brightness.
How can you find this source of light for you? It may come from unexpected places, such as:
Good memories of your time with your spouse – rejoice over them rather than resist them
Love and support from family, friends, and unexpected sources
Projects to help remember and honor your wife (e.g. organizing photos, journaling about her, sharing her story with others, creating an artisitic tribute to her such as a song, poem, etc.)
Supporting a cause close to her and your heart (e.g. volunteering at a food bank, library, school, etc.)
Donating her clothes, shoes, books, or personal items to a local shelter for women
Making donations in her name to causes she believed in
Once you find a way to honor her that resonates for you, gradually the light will grow and the darkness retreat. There will still be times of regression and grief… and this is normal. The transition to “normalcy” is rough and takes time, but the more you immerse yourself in the positive, the sooner you will begin to feel that your feet are on solid ground again.
So start today with just one small thing, and then grow it each new day until the light has become stronger than the darkness.
© Copyright 2026 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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