8 Newbie Widower Mistakes

During the first year of being a widower, we often find ourselves:

· Unable to sleep more than 2 – 4 hours a night,

· Sinking into a depression with constant sobbing,

· Unable to determine what is real and what is unreal,

· Craving to have a woman in our lives,

· Losing focus on what we are trying to work on, or

· Unable to communicate with others.

Does this sound like a good place to be when trying to make life-altering decisions? Hell no!

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 19, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Behavior of a widower, Widower’s complicated grief, How to heal after a spouse dies, widower booksComment

Loneliness Amplifies Anger, Guilt, and Regrets

During an overwhelming sense of loneliness, guilt, anger, and regrets can become amplified to levels that overwhelm you. If you are not careful, this can lead to complicated grief with even deeper sorrow and depression.

Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 6, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower’s complicated grief, Behavior of a widower Comments

Healing Through Empathy

Empathy is critical to healing grief. For me, it was second only to gratitude as a skill that I had to develop in order to pull myself out of the deep depression and suffering I experienced during the first year of my grieving. Many widowers find their ability to be empathetic to others is greatly enhanced after the loss of their wives.

Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower support, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 21, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower syndrome, Behavior of a widower, How to heal after a spouse dies Comments

Building Resiliency Despite Multiple Deaths

Two years after my wife’s death, almost to the week, my mother passed away. As I gathered with my five siblings to honor our mom, I could not help but notice the difference in the grieving process….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyMarch 8, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Widower’s syndrome, widower loneliness, Healing Grief, how to help a grieving widower Comments

Grief Changes Us

Grief, really deep grief, can change you! I see examples of this change through my men’s grief group, responses to my online blogs, online widowers’ groups, and chance meetings I have with fellow widowers in my community. This change does not happen overnight, it can take months if not years to happen.

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyFebruary 22, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower syndrome, Widower Health, What is a widower experiencing?, Behavior of a widower Comments

Widower: Confronting Valentine Triggers and Reactions

Valentine’s Day, like birthdays and other special days, may bring back painful memories that set us back in our healing process. Knowing this in advance can help us to prepare so we can overcome their impacts…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyFebruary 7, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower blogs, Widower syndrome, Behavior of a widower Comments

Life After Death?

After our wife passes, many of us will ask the question we desperately want an answer to:

“Does she still exist? Is she still aware of me? Can she hear me or see me? Is there any way for me to communicate with her?”…

Widower Self Help, Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyJanuary 23, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, What is a widower experiencing?, Death of SpouseComment

Widower Wearing Wedding Ring Sparks Huge Discussion

Have you ever been the one to make everyone in the room suddenly freeze, their puzzled sights pointed in your direction after asking something that seemed completely okay at the time?

When a 32-year-old woman by the username u/Ideal-Mind3099 decided to ask her new colleague “James”, a recent widower, about the wedding band on his finger – things went into an opposite direction from what she expected….

Widower Relationships, Widower Self Help, Widower GriefFred ColbyJanuary 12, 2022Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower blogs, Widower syndrome, What is a widower experiencing? Comments

Can You Heal While Living in the Past?

When we first enter deep grieving after losing our wives, we often do everything we can think of to hold on to her. This can include (as it did for me) going through all the old photos, slides, and mementos to try and keep her close and to live in the past.

A part of us has been ripped away, and we don’t want to let it go.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 13, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, Widower Health, widowers asking for help, Widower memoriesComment

Be a Better Friend ... to Yourself!

So often during our deep grieving we fall into the trap of condemning ourselves, dwelling on our regrets, and/or doubting ourselves. Instead of celebrating the great marriage we had and honoring our wives, we turn on ourselves and focus on the negatives….

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Grief, Widower blogFred ColbyNovember 29, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, widowers asking for help, Behavior of a widower Comments

WHERE CAN I GET HELP?

If you are a widower looking for help, ideas, or support, this blog is for you! At this time of year many of us have a difficult time getting through all the poignant reminders of our spouse. This is NOT the time to be the silent loner. It is the time to reach out to others, and let them help you if they are able to.

Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 1, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, Widower Self Help, Behavior of a widowerComment

WHAT TO SAY, NOT SAY, AND I SAY …. TO A NEW WIDOWER

I recently was asked during a radio interview to summarize my advice to the friends and family of a widower on what to say or not say to them. The following are some highlights of our conversation…

Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 19, 2021Widower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, Death of Spouse, Widower Families Comments

Dating Lessons

Starting to date again at age 65 after being married for many years is intimidating for both widows and widowers. The reality can be very different than the cliché’s seen at the movies. For me, dating was a necessary step in my journey to redefine myself and regain my self-confidence.

Widowers and dating, Widower Relationships, Widower blogFred ColbySeptember 22, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, widower dating behavior Comments

Financial Landmines

My father died when he was 33 years of age, so I realized the importance of getting my finances in order while still young… Eventually when I came out of deep grieving, I realized that everything about our finances had been structured for her survival, not mine.

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower blogFred ColbySeptember 14, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorBlogs for widowers, Healing Grief, Widower’s syndrome, Widower behaviorComment

What We Share with Fellow Widowers

All widowers have something in common… we are going, or have gone, through hell on earth….

We can support each other by sharing that which was common in our experience, as well as by sharing that which was unique to us….

Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbySeptember 6, 2021Fred Colby, Authorwidowers asking for help, Widower blogs, Widower’s syndromeComment

Selling Your House?

After the loss of our wives, many of us face the question, “Should I sell my house?” and the follow-up question, “Where will I go if I sell it?”

You may find, as I did, that the answer to the first is….

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self Help, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyJuly 15, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower blogs, Widower Health, Widower Self Help, Widower’s syndrome Comments

Peace and Serenity Six Years Later

As I recently sat on the porch swing looking out over the green fields, pond, and river before me I realized just how different things are for me now, compared to six years ago after losing my wife of 45 years…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyJune 18, 2021Fred Colby, Authorwidower embracing grief, Widower’s syndrome, Widower blogs, Stages of grief Comments

How Purpose Heals You

Besides experiencing an overwhelming and sometimes terrifying loneliness, for widowers the loss of their wife can often leave them feeling lost and without direction. As husbands we often feel that providing for our family (our wife in particular), is our first and most important purpose. With her gone you cannot help but ask, “What is my purpose now?”

Widower Self Help, Widower Grief Experience, Widower GriefFred ColbyMay 8, 2021Widower Health, Widower blogs, Widower’s syndrome, widower embracing grief Comments

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, 5 years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from others, and to let the anger and depression take over.

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 6, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower Health, Widower’s syndrome, widower grief, Widower anger Comments

Should I Move?

Every widower will at some point face the question, “Should I move out of my house?”… There is a sort of push-pull relationship with the home, in which you want to escape it…. But also want to retreat to its familiar arms…

Widower Self Help, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyMarch 9, 2021Fred Colby, AuthorWidower’s syndrome, widowers asking for help, How a widower can keep their relationships, Widower Families Comments

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