SURVIVING SELF-ISOLATION
FOR ALL WIDOWERS STRUGGLING WITH ISOLATION AND LONELINESS!
As widowers we often are advised to avoid self-isolation. It can be harmful to our physical and mental health. Fear, anger, doubt, and depression can run rampant. Destructive behaviors such alcoholism and drug use are common. This can lead to alienation from our family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors.
In normal times we are told to get out, try new activities, meet new people, and reach out to those who still love us and are in our life. All of this is critical to eventual healing.
But all the self-doubts, fear, anger, and confusion combined with our intense grief can make it very uncomfortable to be with others. We may feel unable to join any kind of activities. So, how the hell are we supposed to heal if we self-isolate at home by ourselves?
WHEN AND WHY YOU NEED HELP
Just when we are most vulnerable, just when we need human contact the most, and just when everything in our body and mind are screaming at us to hunker down and hide from everyone… this is when we need human contact and support the most. To top if off, we may be in the middle of emotionally trigger-rich periods with our most important family traditions (birthdays, holidays, weddings, annual celebrations, etc.)
Even in normal times, many of our friends, family, and acquaintances are unlikely to reach out to us. They are often afraid to impose on us and our grief… or afraid they will say the wrong thing.
You may not believe that you are able to:
have dinner with your family,
go out for a beer with your friends,
attend church,
go to your workplace,
eat out at a restaurant, or
participate in group hikes, dances, ball games, or other activities.
KEY SUGGESTIONS
I am going to tell you something that might seem counter-intuitive:
IT IS UP TO YOU TO REACH OUT TO THEM, NOW MORE THAN EVER!
Yes, some will not be responsive… these are the ones to let go. But others will be very willing to help and support you. These are the ones to build your new foundation on.
Here are a few options to help keep you engaged with others:
find local or virtual grief groups to join in person or online (try local hospices, churches, hospitals)
call (video call if possible) at least one person every few days and have a real conversation,
text and email friends and family daily,
communicate with others through Facebook or other social media,
exchange ideas on how you are dealing with the crisis,
view humorous or inspiring Facebook posts dealing with isolation, such as: Laura Clery (remember Covid)
join online video groups now being offered through Meetup
ACTIVITIES AND MORE TO CONSIDER
Also, consider some activities to help you through this time:
Exercise, exercise, exercise – and eat right
Meditation – you now have time to try one of many free ones on Youtube
Reduce Stress – read or listen to people like Eckhart Tolle
Check out Man Therapy online for a humorous and serious take on male issues
Change your routine – mix it up
Keep the television or music on to fill the void
Find a home project that keeps you occupied and feels good to finish (keep a journal)
Plan one positive thing for the future, such as a road trip to visit family or old friends, that gives you something amazing to look forward to.
You might also identify some people in your neighborhood who need help, such as picking up groceries or shoveling snow off driveways for them. Take a walk in your area and pick-up trash. Pull some weeds which can be a very therapeutic project. Find some way to give back to your community through non-profits and volunteer agencies in your area. Nothing is more healing than giving back by helping others.
BE PROACTIVE!
In others words, find new ways to maintain your contact with others and to be active. DO NOT use grief as an excuse to take your isolation to a new level! Reach out to others, don’t wait for them to reach out to you.
You know that your wife would have wanted you to get out there, to be active, and to live your life in a positive and rewarding way. So do it!
P.S. Please take a moment and share your own ideas here on how to survive self-isolation!
© Copyright 2026 Fred Colby
All rights reserved
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