Loving Yourself to Health

Ask yourself: “What would your wife want for you? Would she want you to be circling the drain of self-induced pain and grief, or would she want you to be active, reengaged with life, and continuing to find ways to love and be loved?”

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 16, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, How a widower can keep their relationships, Grief therapyComment

Ignoring the Grief Others Are Feeling

It is easy during the first year or so after your wife’s passing to become so immersed in your own grief that you ignore the grief others are feeling. Let’s face it, during this time our grief is overwhelming! It often blocks out everything else so that we are unaware of much that’s going on around us, even though our survival depends in part on our ability to maintain our most important relationships.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 2, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

Questions About New Relationships – Part 2

Should the new girlfriend insist on removing all the photos and mementos of the past relationship? How does a widow/widower give their new relationships focus, attention, intentional care, and nurturing while keeping reminders of a late spouse hanging around?

Widower, Widower blog, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbyJuly 8, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, How to repair broken relationships with a widower, Is a widower ready to dateComment

Questions About New Relationships – Part 1

Do you think a widower (with proper time for grief and healing) can go on to love another as much as the late wife? This question was posed to my by a therapist and doctoral student, who works with Couples in Conflict Management. This article speaks to this and other difficult questions for widowers.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyJune 23, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower building new relationships, Stages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Is a widower ready to dateComment

Why Are We So Damned Lonely?

A friend who recently lost his wife and I were commiserating recently over how damned lonely we were soon after losing our wives. This is despite our backgrounds which included interacting with hundreds (if not thousands) of people yearly.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyMay 28, 2024Fred ColbyStages of grief, overcoming widower isolation, healing grief, widower loneliness Comments

YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING

I certainly don’t know everything! And… more than likely, neither do you.

One of the biggest shocks upon entering deep grieving as a widower is the realization of how ill-prepared we are to deal with it… much less survive it!…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyApril 29, 2024Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Coping with death of wife, Deep grieving, Healing GriefComment

Golden Bachelor Marriage Ends Quickly – Why?

Recent headlines about the very brief three-month marriage of Widower Gerry Turner (the first Golden Bachelor) and Theresa Nist coming to an end raise some interesting questions.

The pace of the Golden Bachelor program is frenetic. It expects a Bachelor to identify, court, and then marry a new bride after just a few months of meeting and dating a wide variety of women. This is unrealistic…

Widower Relationships, Widowers and dating, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyApril 15, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Gerry Turner, Is a widower ready to date, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

Sex and the Widower

Sex is a topic that we widowers often have difficulty discussing with each other, much less with friends, family, or even therapists. And yet, it needs to be addressed. Why?…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widowers and datingFred ColbyApril 1, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, Deep grieving, Coping with death of wife, Sex and Widower Comments

WHAT CAN MATT AND BEN TEACH WIDOWERS?

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck seem an unlikely pair to be teaching Widowers how to heal and regain purpose and joy in their lives. But in fact, they are a great example for us to follow….

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower support, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyMarch 11, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorBehavior of a widower, Men’s Grief Groups, Healing Grief, Coping with death of wifeComment

OVERCOMING LONELINESS AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

… Men are not supposed to show grief, because we are men. I call BS on that one, and here is where our worlds overlap. Did you know that 80% of all suicides in America are committed by men? Read that again, and let’s go upstream and talk about mental health.

One of the risk factors for suicide is the loss of a relationship…. we must be on our A-game to guard against intrusive thoughts like suicide, and most of these occur when we are alone. So, let’s look at loneliness a bit…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower supportFred ColbyFebruary 5, 2024Fred Colby, Authorwidower loneliness, Behavior of a widower, Suicidal thoughts, Coping with complicated grief, Deep grievingComment

YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE

We widowers often hear that soon after the death of our wives we will lose many friends and possibly some family ties. This frequently occurs despite our best efforts to maintain these previously reliable and important relationships. This can result in…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyJanuary 9, 2024Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Coping with death of wife, Widower’s syndrome, How a widower can keep their relationshipsComment

NEW YEAR - NEW YOU - NEW RELATIONSHIPS?

Often after our wives pass, another crisis will come along that shakes us and causes us to confront our current state of thinking about our life going forward. This may be just what is needed to wake us and point us into a more promising future…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyDecember 25, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Coping with death of wife, overcoming widower isolation, widower lonelinessComment

IN HER NAME

When our wives pass, we often ask, “How we can remember, honor, and love them going forward?” That is a huge question for many of us. The answer often plays a major role in how we process and heal our grief…

Widower Relationships, Widower Grief Experience, Widower, Widower blogFred ColbyDecember 11, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, widower embracing grief, Widower syndrome, widower loneliness, Coping with death of wifeComment

We Are Worthy!!

Whether quoting from Wayne’s World or the Bible, the phrase “I am not worthy” may describe how we feel at times after our wives pass away. A ritual of self-condemnation and feelings of inadequacy often overwhelm us, especially when we are alone. It is so easy to fall into a pattern of blaming ourselves or others….

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Grief ExperienceFred ColbyNovember 27, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, Widower syndrome, healing griefComment

Why Are Some Widowers So Angry?

Shortly after my wife’s death, I went to the mountains by myself for a week and screamed as loud and often as I wanted to. But now, years later, I no longer feel the anger I felt then. I now forget how easy it was to cut myself off from everyone and to let the anger and depression take over my life.

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyNovember 8, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Behavior of a widower, Widower syndrome, Stages of griefComment

WHY DOES GERRY TURNER CRY SO MUCH?

OK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Relationships, Widower Self HelpFred ColbyOctober 24, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorJerry Turner, Golden Bachelor, Stages of grief, Widower memories, Grief therapy, healing griefComment

ANGRY AND GRATEFUL AT THE SAME TIME?

Just try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?

It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower RelationshipsFred ColbySeptember 18, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorStages of grief, healing grief, Behavior of a widower, overcoming widower isolation, BereavementComment

YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU THINK YOU CANNOT!

How often have you said or thought, “I can’t do that! I am not good at it and never will be.”… After your wife passes, you may be faced with doing many things that you think you cannot do.

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self HelpFred ColbySeptember 5, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Widower’s complicated grief, Widower syndrome, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

I Don’t Want to Heal!

Are you floating in a sea of grief with only a life vest of memories keeping you afloat? If you are not careful that life vest can become a diving weight belt of anger, regrets, and fear that drags you down into depression…

Widower blog, Widower Grief, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, WidowerFred ColbyAugust 21, 2023Fred Colby, Authorhealing grief, Stages of grief, widower embracing grief, Grief therapy, How to heal after a spouse diesComment

WHAT DO GERVAIS, BACKMAN, HANKS AND GERRY TURNER HAVE IN COMMON?

There is an upsurge in interest in widowers and their grief journeys due to these four men who have brought open and frank discussions of the topic to the forefront. We believe this will help break down barriers for many widowers and those who love them…

Widower, Widower blog, Widower Grief Experience, Widower Self Help, Widowers and datingFred ColbyAugust 8, 2023Fred Colby, AuthorDeath of Spouse, Behavior of a widower, widower resources, Widower’s syndrome, Deep grieving, healing grief, Golden Bachelor, Gerry TurnerComment

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