OK… I confess. My girlfriend enticed me into watching The Golden Bachelor in which 73-year-old Gerry Turner (a widower since 2017) meets, dates, and engages in numerous activities (dancing, 3-wheeling, Pickleball, and more) while trying to determine if one of 22 women “candidates” would be someone to spend the rest of his life with. In the process, Gerry frequently finds himself in surprisingly emotional circumstances… and often cries unashamedly on camera…
Read MoreSince your wife died, how often have you been thoroughly confused by the kindness of women towards you? How often have you, even though you know it is wrong, thought there might be something there? I am not embarrassed to tell you that I had many such instances….
Read MoreJust try to be angry and grateful at the same time. Hard, isn’t it?
It is difficult because the focus on one interferes with your ability to do the other…
Read MoreGrief and its inevitable partner, loneliness, cause pain unlike anything most have ever experienced before. The love we felt so strongly for our wives now turns on us and causes emotional, physical, and psychological pain. The sudden absence of love being given back to us leaves a hole that seems bottomless and unfillable; while our inability to show our love to a physically present wife frustrates, confuses, and hurts us.
Read MoreAfter the loss of our wives, many of us find ourselves unable to communicate effectively with others. Even those of us who come from careers in communication may find ourselves suddenly at a loss for words… Learning to communicate with others again is not only vital for us to heal but also critical if we want to re-engage with life again in any meaningful way.
Read MoreOnce you have made the decision to date again as a widower, prepare yourself for the shock of entering a much different dating scene after an absence of many years…
Read MoreIf your dad is a recent widower, there are ways you can help him on Father's Day while also strengthening your family relationships. To ignore Father’s Day can be a missed opportunity, and even a mistake that injects another layer of separation between the father and children…
Read MoreWhen your new widow girlfriend feels like she is cheating on her deceased husband, what do you do? Or maybe you are the one feeling like you are cheating on your dead wife. Are these feelings normal? How do you deal with this without blowing up your new relationship?…
Read MoreAre you old enough to remember the Dating Game television show? A man or woman would sit on one side of a screen, while three suitors sat on the other side. The contestant would then ask a series of silly questions designed to bring out responses that would entertain the audience while the contestant tried to figure out which of the three was the best match for a date. Sort of a speed Bachelorette show, only with fewer tears.
Read MoreWhen our wife passes, we suddenly lose our Home-Life as we knew it. If we are still working, we are often forgiven if we suddenly become buried in our Work-Life. This can be unhealthy and lead to medical, emotional, and mental issues which can spiral into major problems….
Read MoreAfter your wife dies you realize that your concept of love has transformed over the years into something much more powerful and meaningful. To expect that you can replicate that with a new girlfriend after dating her just a few times and within the first year after your wife passes is often illogical.
Read MoreAfter my wife’s death, I became increasingly concerned about my ability to make sound decisions. At times the world around me seemed surreal… and I often wanted to shut the door on everyone and just hide in my grief.
As I began to recognize the impact of these issues on me, I became fearful that I would make bad decisions that might threaten my relationships…
Read MoreA year prior to my wife’s passing, she began to experience some upsetting physical conditions, including skin rashes and stress. This continued for a while with her unable to determine the cause or to find solutions after visiting a couple of doctors.
Around that time, she began criticizing almost anything that I did….
Read MoreWas your wife the first woman/girl you ever:
· dated?
· kissed?
· asked to become your girlfriend?
· made love to?
Read MoreRobin Williams, Richard Nixon, Oprah Winfrey, Ernest Hemingway, Vincent Van Gogh, Marilyn Monroe, John Steinbeck, George Washington, John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, and many others struggled with their self-esteem and thought themselves imposters at some point during their lifetime.
As widowers, we often experience the same self-doubts.
Read MoreSex in particular can entice us away from those long-held beliefs which have served as our foundation for years. In the wrong hands, it can be used to blind us and turn us to less ethical or honorable practices.
Read MoreMany of us who lose a close loved one, tend to idealize them. This is carried to the max when the loved one was your wife of many years. All her faults, bad habits, odd behaviors that drove you nuts, and even those moments of disagreement seem to just disappear.
Read MoreDuring an overwhelming sense of loneliness, guilt, anger, and regrets can become amplified to levels that overwhelm you. If you are not careful, this can lead to complicated grief with even deeper sorrow and depression.
Read MoreEmpathy is critical to healing grief. For me, it was second only to gratitude as a skill that I had to develop in order to pull myself out of the deep depression and suffering I experienced during the first year of my grieving. Many widowers find their ability to be empathetic to others is greatly enhanced after the loss of their wives.
Read MoreValentine’s Day, like birthdays and other special days, may bring back painful memories that set us back in our healing process. Knowing this in advance can help us to prepare so we can overcome their impacts…
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